Two Minutes
by icaughtfire31
Summary: Pre-ME2, Shepard gets some life altering news. Shenko.


Two minutes.

Shepard paced around the bathroom, her heart pounding in her ears.

_This can't be happening. It can't. This is not possible. _

Shepard had been feeling sluggish and groggy ever since she and Kaidan had slept together six weeks ago. She kept telling herself that it was just in her head, that it was just stress and exhaustion that was making her feel this way. But something told Shepard that this was something more. She just felt _different_. When she found it nearly impossible to get out of bed in the morning, coupled with the fact that she could no longer keep any food in her stomach, she asked Dr. Chakwas for a test.

_We were careful._

But being careful didn't guarantee anything, and Shepard knew it. She cursed herself for being so impulsive and allowing herself to fall for him.

_You're smarter than this._

The walls felt as if they were closing in on her. Shepard took several deep breaths to try and steady her shaking hands.

_It'll be okay._

One minute.

Sixty seconds, and Shepard's life might change forever.

She tried to push all thoughts aside and focus on her breathing. There was no use stressing about it before she even knew what the result was.

_What will Kaidan say?_

Thirty seconds.

_What if he hates me?_

Shepard vowed to herself that she'd never let this happen to her again. She would be wiser, more careful, and not fuck her lieutenant before a mission just because she thought she was going to die.

_I love him, though._

The test beeped to let her know the result was ready.

Shepard closed her eyes for a second. This was it. Whatever the result, her life would be different from now on. She opened her eyes. Her vision blurred a little, and the bottom dropped all the way out of her stomach.

_Positive. Dammit. It's positive._

An involuntary cry escaped her throat as she fell back against the wall. She slid down into a sitting position. Pregnant. She was pregnant. With Kaidan's baby.

Shepard's whole body was trembling as she pulled her legs into her chest and rested her chin on her knees, "What the hell am I going to do?"

_You have to tell Kaidan. _

Of course she had to tell Kaidan. He deserved to know. But how would he react? Would he be happy? Excited? Angry? Would he still want to be part of her life? Would he want her to keep it? Shepard thought he would. Kaidan was a man of conscience, someone who always wanted to do the "right" thing. Kaidan would want her to keep it.

_But what if I don't want to keep it?_

How could she tell Kaidan this news, put this burden in his life, when she didn't even know what she was going to do about it? Shepard had never considered having children before. It was never an option for her. Having her own parents taken away from her at such a young age was a pain she'd never wish on anyone. Shepard could never consider bringing a child into this world just to have them suffer the same fate. She knew she would not make a good mom.

_But Kaidan would make a good father._

It was true. Shepard could picture Kaidan with plenty of children. She thought about babies with a shock of black hair and whiskey brown eyes. They'd be kind, confident and of course Kaidan would teach them all how to play hockey. He'd be extra protective of the girls, and teach his boys how to be gentlemen. They would always have skinned knees, which Kaidan would kiss and mend with medi-gel. They would be tough, like him, and stand up for all the injustice in the world.

Kaidan's children would be cute as hell.

But those were Kaidan's children. Not Shepard's.

_I can't do this to him. I can't tell him this news and then take it away._

"Shit, shit, shit," Shepard mumbled into her knees.

Maybe having a kid wouldn't be that terrible. Maybe, with Kaidan's help, she could actually be a mother and not just a soldier.

_You can't raise a baby. That's stupid. You can't do this._

She didn't have to make a decision right away. Shepard knew that. She had time to work through her crazy cloud of emotions and decide, with a clear head, what the best course of action was. She didn't want to cause Kaidan any pain or worry, but she knew in her heart that she had to tell him. It was the right thing to do.

Shepard stood up, splashed some water on her face to wash away the tear streaks (she hadn't even been aware she was crying), and adjusted her uniform so it was laying straight.

"You can do this," she told her reflection, "it'll be fine."

Shepard was just about to leave. Her hand was on the door handle when the ship shuddered so hard she lost her balance. Toiletries and other items fell off the shelves and clattered to the ground around her.

_That can't be good._

"Joker!" Shepard screamed into her com, "what the hell was that?"

"We're taking heavy fire by an unidentified enemy, Commander!"

The ship jolted again. Everything in her cabin was on the floor. Shepard grabbed her armor and began putting it on as she ran into the corridor. Crew members rushed past her, bumping into her and each other as they went. Shepard could smell smoke. Another loud crash and the ship rolled hard to the right. Shepard sprinted down the corridor to where a fire was raging. She reached the distress beacon and started typing a frantic S.O.S. to the Alliance.

"Shepard!"

It was Kaidan's voice behind her. Her heart jumped into her throat. She finally secured her helmet and turned around to face him. "The distress beacon is ready for launch," she told him. An explosion close by caused Kaidan to lose his balance and fall into her.

Shepard's heart skipped a beat. She reached over and steadied him.

_You can tell him right now._

No. There was a time and place for that conversation, and this certainly wasn't it.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?"

"The Alliance won't abandon us," Shepard answered. She looked away from Kaidan and reached for a fire extinguisher, which she tossed to him, "we just need to hold on. Get everyone onto the escape shuttles."

Kaidan began spraying foam at the fire, trying to put it out. "Joker's still in the cockpit, he won't abandon ship! I'm not leaving either."

_Like hell you're not._

"I need you to get the crew onto the escape shuttles," Shepard said. She took Kaidan by the elbow and turned him around to face her. There was a brief moment when she looked up at Kaidan and saw confusion and fear in his eyes. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and close her eyes, shut out all this madness and stay there, safe in his arms forever. But of course, she didn't do that_. _

"I'll take care of Joker."

The ship rocked back and forth violently, causing them both to topple over. Shepard grabbed onto one of the broken pipes behind her to steady herself, and began to make her way towards the cockpit.

"Commander!" Kaidan cried, his tone pleading.

_Please don't make this harder than it needs to be._

"Kaidan, go!"

_I need you to be safe._

Shepard looked back at him. Kaidan was standing in the middle of the smoke filled corridor, his arms limp at his sides. "Now!" she ordered.

_Tell him you love him. Say it. Now._

But Shepard didn't have time to say anything. Kaidan's shoulders slumped a little, "aye, aye." He turned and jogged away, past the blazing fires towards the escape shuttles. Shepard could hear people screaming, and she prayed that everyone would get off the ship.

_Please don't let this be the last time I see him._

There were several hull breaches as she ran down the hall towards the cockpit. The air was heavy with smoke. Every crew member that ran past her she ordered to evacuate. Nobody argued. Shepard tried to remember to breathe as she ran down the main gunnery to the cockpit. Joker was still there, of course, shouting for help into his com. The smell of smoke and burning rubber filled her nostrils and made it difficult to breathe. Presley lay motionless on the floor.

"Come on, Joker! We need to get out of here!"

"No, I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her."

_Is he insane? This fucking ship is barely holding it together._

Shepard leaned over him, trying to catch his eye through her visor, "the Normandy is lost. Going down with the ship won't change anything."

Joker sighed, "yeah, okay. Help me up."

Just as the words left his mouth, a loud buzzing filled the air. A massive ship, bigger than any Shepard had ever seen, glowed bright orange as their main gun heated up.

"They're coming around for another attack!"

A loud explosion knocked her backwards. Shepard seized Joker's arm, pulled it around her shoulders and hefted the brunt of Joker's weight onto herself. Joker moaned with pain as he stood up, "Ow, watch the arm!"

_Shut up, you asshole._

Shepard half carried, half dragged Joker towards the escape shuttles as the Normandy fell to pieces around them. Debris flew in every direction, clinking against her armor and helmet. Joker grunted and groaned in pain as the ship jostled them around. Finally, they reached the escape pods and Shepard shoved Joker inside without a thought. Joker pulled the safety harness over his head and secured himself inside.

A deafening sound of splitting metal erupted in her ears. Behind her, a large part of the hull broke away, flew into the darkness behind her. An overwhelming force of air rushing past her caused Shepard to fly backwards and slam into the wall.

"Commander!" Joker screamed.

Shepard tried to grab hold of something, anything, to stop her momentum being pulled towards the black emptiness of space, but it was no use. The pull was too strong for her to fight against. Her heart was beating hard and fast in her ears.

_I am not going to let him die. _

The release button for the escape pod was inches away from her hand. Shepard could see Joker's pale, frightened expression only a few feet away. Her arms trembled with the effort of holding herself steady.

"Shepard!"

She reached up and hit the button. The escape pod doors closed and locked. The shuttle launched safely. Shepard held onto the door frame for a few more seconds, trying, yet failing, to hold on.

_It's over. Let go._

She did. The vacuum created by the breach in the hull sucked her out into the inky blackness beyond. The world spun around her. The Nomandy drifted above her, nothing more than a blaze of fire and blackened metal. A large blue planet spanned below her. The ship that had attacked them was nowhere to be seen.

"Warning, oxygen venting," her life support system told her.

In fact, she could feel her vision going dark. Breathing was becoming difficult. Her heart beat frantically against her ribs.

_There's no air. No air. I need air._

Shepard tried in vain to take her helmet off, though she knew it wouldn't do any good. There was no oxygen out there, either. Her lungs were on fire. This couldn't be it. Could it?

"I'm sorry, Kaidan" she whispered.

Then everything went black.


End file.
